Conducting effective 121s
How to enhance communication with your team members
Recap of your session goals:
Improve communication with your team
Track progress of projects and goals
Increase staff satisfaction
I really enjoyed working with you on this session and discussing this topic, it’s great to hear a leader wanting to improve their 121 communication. Over my many years in management, I’ve observed a kind of naivety from others that things would just work. Or that it’s entirely the employee’s responsibility to make these work.
Indeed it is common for HR to state that each person should take the reigns of their 121s. But they don’t mean that line managers play no role in this interaction! It is a conversation between two people and therefore both need to participate. Just think of how a chat with someone that is closed up or disinterested functions, it’s hard work.
You explained how you wanted to use this time to cascade information and to understand how everyone was meeting their goals. This is very relevant and appropriate but you confirmed that there are alternative ways to achieve this purpose when I asked you why these were the most important topics of conversation. Sharing updates from senior management fits easily in the (good) use of email, and status updates could warrant a more formalised method.
When delving into the why for these meetings, you concluded that what was more important to you was to understand how the team felt about these items. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head, this is the type of information that can’t be achieved in any other way besides a conversation. Even team meetings seldom capture an accurate pulse as not everyone participates in the same way.
For that reason, coaching techniques are useful tools to make the most of 121s. For example, the “5 why” process we followed ourselves earlier is super powerful to get to the core of a subject. You can use it to get an opinion on something, to understand dissatisfaction, and many other ways. Encourages the other to talk and guides those that come prepared in achieving an effective meeting.
This covers the “what” and then we talked about “how”. In other words, the best behaviour to enable a healthy relationship. You noted that being a 121 the conversation should be shared equally in terms of time. However, when reflecting further you acknowledged that by default these meetings have a distinct power unbalance, one person being the boss, and the other the subordinate. And for that reason it would make sense to share air time differently.
I agree this was a wise conclusion, and I referred you back to the HR guidance we talked earlier. This is what they mean by “taking charge of the conversation with your manager”. As the daily interaction is more likely to be slanted towards the leader (giving instructions, providing feedback), then 121s is how they can minimise that effect.
In practical terms, listen more than talk. I’m not suggesting for you to use a timer of course, though who knows, could be fun. Instead, moderate the amount of time you take in the meeting. A framework I like to recommend (and that I try to use in my own daily interactions) is WAIT - Why Am I Talking. When you take the speech baton, check yourself: is what you’re saying crucial? Does it have to be said now?
There is a theory in modern communication that suggests people are typically listening to respond. However, the best results are when they are listening to understand. The difference in the brain may be small, but in essence when you’re listening to respond your brain in taking processing time to preempt what the other person is saying and what you should reply. This reduces its ability of capturing how the other person is talking (for example, non verbal communication), and the meaning of what may say.
I admit it can be a hard skill to develop, however it pays out tenfold in impact. The trick I found is to let my curiosity take over and ignore for the moment that I’m the boss. Let your employee take the lead and ask clarifying or probing questions. Make it clear that you are interested in their thoughts, and avoid using the time to resolve issues as that can happen after the meeting.
Other things you can do in addition to this include thinking of space. For example, sitting besides your team member rather than across from them - reduces confrontation. Another example is doing the meeting outside the office, like over a coffee in a private nook at the cafeteria - it promotes informality.
You’re already on the right track by making this the topic of our session so remember the coaching skills we discussed during an earlier session. This is the perfect situation to use those techniques and ensure your team feels heard.